The Problem with Esalen, Part II

So getting back to the title of this two-set post, what is the problem with Esalen?

ANTS.  LOTS of them.  Everywhere.  Especially during the rainy season (October-May).

And you probably thought I was going to say the problem was the nude bathers at the Esalen baths, who really shouldn’t be seen nude.  But no, that’s not the real problem – the real problem is ANTS.

By way of example:

We check into Esalen to take a weekend workshop.  I arrive with an open mind.  It is Esalen, right?

We tour the grounds.  Breathtaking views.  Simply amazing location.  Decent classrooms.  An area for playing musical instruments (especially drums). 

We have lunch.  Decent food.  Not much to write home (or blog) about.  But decent.  And healthy, if not particularly tasty.

Then, exhausted from the drive down the coast, we head to our room with our bags.

Ants.  Lots of them.  At the doorway.

“No big deal,” I think to myself.  “No big deal,” I say out loud to no one in particular (but within earshot of my wife).

I put my bag down and think I saw an ant nearby.  Again, no big deal.

I lie down on the bed.  I turn my head.  I notice an ant or two on my pillow. 

“Ick.  No big deal.”  I say again, brushing off the pillow.

Under the pillow?  Ants.  LOTS of them.   I look down on the blanket – more ants.  I look at the sheets:  covered with ants.

I get out of bed, pretty irritated.  I don’t like ants.  I really don’t like ants in my room.  And I ESPECIALLY dislike ants in my bed.  I don’t like ants in my bed EVEN MORE when I AM PAYING FOR THE ROOM.

I figure, “this must be a one-time sort of thing, right?”  Wrong.  On closer inspection, I find ant traps in the corners of the room.  THEY KNOW ABOUT THIS!  That’s just not okay with me.  You don’t rent out rooms that are infested with ants.  Just because we’re at Esalen for a workshop doesn’t mean everyone is going to be so enlightened that we overlook all the ants in the bed (and now on our arms, torso, legs, face, hair)…   

So we move rooms.  In the new room – lots more ants.

This is not okay with me.  I’m in favor of expanding my horizons.  I like rustic spots and I love backpacking.  And I’m not expecting the place to be like the Ritz or the Fairmont … or even Motel 6.  But I DO expect that the room be somewhat clean and relatively ant-free (at least the pillow, if not the bed).

And that’s the problem with Esalen.

--COTC